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Developing Secure Attachment with Your Child

Research shows that secure attachment, a bond of trust and understanding between a child and their caregiver, is vital for healthy development. This bond lays the foundation for a child’s emotional and psychological growth. As parents, nurturing this connection not only benefits our children, but also enriches our lifelong relationship with them.

Studies indicate that approximately 40% of adults have an insecure attachment style. This shows the importance of fostering secure attachment in childhood.


The Importance of Secure Attachment

Numerous studies have demonstrated that secure attachment provides the bedrock for a child’s emotional stability and resilience. It shapes the blueprint for all future relationships they will form. As children grow, this secure bond with you, their primary caregiver, becomes their compass for establishing healthy, lasting bonds with others.

Moreover, the benefits of a secure relationship stretch far beyond early years. Establishing a healthy and secure bond with your child nurtures the relationship during their childhood and deepens the bond as they evolve into adulthood. It's like nurturing a sapling, watching it grow into a robust tree, with roots deepening over time. This bond is a lifelong gift we give to both our children and ourselves.

Key Elements of Secure Attachment

Safety (a safe haven): Having a stable, consistent environment where they feel protected helps children feel safe to explore the world.

Emotional attunement: Being responsive to a child's emotional needs makes them feel understood and validated.

Validation: Affirming a child's thoughts and feelings reinforces their sense of self-worth.

Supporting exploration (a secure base): Children need caregivers to provide reassurance when needed so they feel comfortable exploring their surroundings.

Being Seen: Paying attention to a child's individual personality makes them feel acknowledged.

Being Soothed: Comforting children through difficult emotions develops their ability to self-soothe.

Being Secure: Building a relationship of trust and dependability gives children confidence in themselves and others.

Practical Tips for Parents

Parenting is undoubtedly a journey of learning and growth. While mistakes are part of the process, it’s important to approach them with curiosity and introspection. Forgiving oneself allows parents to identify potentially harmful patterns and pivot towards healthier interactions.

  • Mindful presence: Engage fully with your child, cherishing every shared moment. For example, put down your phone and really listen when your child is telling you about their day.

  • Responsive caregiving: Promptly meeting your child’s needs demonstrates your reliability. For instance, when your toddler falls and cries, rush to pick them up and soothe their pain.

  • Open communication: Making your child feel comfortable expressing themselves is key. Set aside special one-on-one time each week to connect and talk openly.

  • Safe environments: Ensure your child always feels heard and accepted at home. Never shame or ridicule them for sharing their thoughts and feelings.

  • Modeling: Exemplify secure relationships in your own life. Your child notices how you interact with your partner, friends, and them.

Overcoming Challenges

Our unresolved traumas often unconsciously affect our parenting. Without realising it, we may parent the way we were parented, continuing an intergenerational cycle of trauma.

Research shows that with sufficient support and effort we are capable of changing our attachment style as adults. So even if you developed an insecure attachment style as a child, you can form a secure bond with your own child now.

By understanding our own attachment style and how it manifests, we take the first step in altering unhelpful relational patterns. Seeking guidance, as offered at Holistic Transformative Therapy, aids this journey of awareness and healing.


Building a secure attachment with your child is a transformative journey filled with joys and challenges. But the rewards—a lasting bond of trust, respect and unconditional love—are unmatched.

At Holistic Transformative Therapy, we promote self-awareness, forgiveness and continual growth as the path to nurturing this priceless bond with your child. If you're ready to look closer at your patterns of relating and your inner wounds so that you can be the best parent to your child, get in touch - we can book a free initial consultation to discuss details. Love & light, Dorota Hypnotherapist and counsellor Holistic Transformative Therapy Get in touch with me! @: mobile: 07849 580021 Instagram @holistictransformativetherapy Facebook: Holistic Transformative Therapy

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