The Hidden Language of the Nervous System: Understanding Your Animal Defences
- Dorota Podjaska
- Aug 24, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: Nov 29, 2025
When life feels overwhelming, your body does something extraordinary: it protects you. Long before you can rationalise what’s happening, your nervous system flips into survival mode. These survival strategies are often called the animal defences - fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and flop.
They’re not weaknesses. They are ancient, automatic responses designed to keep you alive! However, when they get stuck in the “on” position—often after trauma, chronic stress, or relational wounds—they can shape your thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and relationships.
The Five Animal Defences
Fight
Physiology: surge of adrenaline, racing heart, body primed for action.
Thoughts: “I must take control.” “I can’t let this slip.”
Behaviours: perfectionism, control, hyper-independence, quick temper, defensiveness.
Example: You might find yourself working late into the night to “get it right,” not because it’s urgent, but because stopping feels unsafe.
Flight
Physiology: restlessness, shallow breathing, muscle tension.
Thoughts: “I have to get away.” “If I keep moving, I’ll be okay.”
Behaviours: avoidance, overworking, busyness, overthinking.
Example: You keep scrolling, ticking tasks off your list, or planning the next thing—anything to avoid sitting with discomfort.
Freeze
Physiology: body stiffens, mind goes blank, breath holds.
Thoughts: “I can’t do this.” “I feel stuck.”
Behaviours: procrastination, zoning out, dissociation, inability to make decisions.
Example: Faced with conflict, your words dry up, and your body feels paralysed.
Fawn
Physiology: nervous system stays alert but softens to appease.
Thoughts: “If I keep them happy, I’ll be safe.”
Behaviours: people-pleasing, difficulty saying no, over-giving, self-abandonment.
Example: You say “yes” to favours, invitations, or work demands even when you’re exhausted—because pleasing others feels safer than setting boundaries.
Flop (sometimes called “collapse” or “submit”)
Physiology: body shuts down, energy drains, low blood pressure, disconnection.
Thoughts: “What’s the point?” “I can’t do anything.”
Behaviours: giving up, passivity, feeling helpless, extreme fatigue.
Example: After too much stress, you crash on the sofa, numb out, and can’t find the energy to move forward.
Hybrids: Why You May Recognise More Than One
Most of us don’t fit neatly into one defence. You might freeze in relationships but fight at work. Or you might fawn with your partner and flee into busyness when alone. These hybrid patterns are your nervous system’s best attempts at protection, shaped by your history, upbringing, and past trauma.
How Animal Defences Show Up in Romantic Relationships
Our survival responses don’t just affect us; they shape the way we connect, communicate, and resolve conflict in relationships. When two people have different dominant defences, misunderstandings can arise.
Common Pairings of Defences
Flight + Fawn
Dynamic: One partner avoids conflict by withdrawing or staying busy, while the other tries to smooth things over by appeasing and pleasing.
How it feels: The “flight” partner may feel suffocated by constant efforts to appease, while the “fawn” partner feels abandoned or unseen when the other pulls away.
Healing opportunity: Both partners learning to pause and voice their needs directly.
Fight + Freeze
Dynamic: One partner becomes controlling, defensive, or quick to anger, while the other shuts down and goes quiet.
How it feels: The “fight” partner feels frustrated by the silence, while the “freeze” partner feels overwhelmed and unsafe in the face of intensity.
Healing opportunity: The fight response learns softer communication; the freeze response practices staying present and grounded.
Fawn + Fight
Dynamic: The people-pleaser bends to avoid conflict, while the fighter pushes harder for control or dominance.
How it feels: The “fawn” partner may lose touch with their own needs, while the “fight” partner feels temporarily satisfied but ultimately unsupported.
Healing opportunity: Boundaries become key—the fawn learns to say “no” with love, while the fighter learns to trust compromise.
Flop + Flight
Dynamic: The “flop” partner collapses into helplessness or fatigue, while the “flight” partner distracts themselves by staying constantly on the move.
How it feels: Both avoid true intimacy—one by disappearing inward, the other by staying outwardly busy.
Healing opportunity: Building moments of connection, where both can show up in small, safe doses.
The truth is, we all bring our nervous systems into our relationships. Seeing these patterns with compassion—both in yourself and your partner—can transform conflict into an opportunity for deeper connection.
Why Understanding Your Defences Matters
Understanding your defence patterns helps you to:
Recognise when you’re being driven by survival, not choice.
Build compassion for yourself (you’re not “broken”—you’re adaptive).
Identify which practices actually work for your nervous system (what helps a freeze response will differ from what soothes fight or fawn).
This is why therapy is so powerful. It creates a safe space to bring these automatic responses into awareness, regulate the nervous system, and gently rewire patterns that no longer serve you.
The Path to Healing: Embracing Your Journey
Creating a Safe Space for Yourself
As you embark on this journey, consider how you can create a safe space for yourself. This might involve setting boundaries, engaging in self-care, or seeking support. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help. You deserve to feel safe and supported in your healing process.
Practicing Mindfulness and Self-Compassion
Mindfulness can be a powerful tool in recognising your animal defences. By practising mindfulness, you can observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This gentle awareness allows you to respond to your needs with compassion rather than criticism.
Building Connections with Others
Connecting with others who understand your journey can be incredibly healing. Share your experiences, listen to others, and foster a sense of community. You are not alone in this; many are navigating similar paths.
💭 Reflective Invitation
Take a moment:
Which of these defences feel most familiar to you?
Can you recognise these patterns in your relationships?
The first step is simply noticing. From there, healing begins.
Love and light,
Dorota
Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist
Founder of Holistic Transformative Therapy
Get in touch
📱mobile: 07849 580021
📸Insta: @holistictransformativetherapy
📘Facebook: Holistic Transformative Therapy
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