The Five Animal Defences: How Your Nervous System Shapes Your Coping Patterns

Dorota Podjaska
11 hours ago
4 min read

The Hidden Language of the Nervous System

When life feels overwhelming, your body does something extraordinary: it protects you. Long before you can rationalise what’s happening, your nervous system flips into survival mode. These survival strategies are often called the animal defences - fight, flight, freeze, fawn and flop.

They’re not weaknesses. They’re ancient, automatic responses designed to keep you alive! But when they get stuck in the “on” position - often after trauma, chronic stress or relational wounds, they can shape your thoughts, feelings, behaviours and relationships.

The Five Animal Defences

Fight

Physiology: surge of adrenaline, racing heart, body primed for action.
Thoughts: “I must take control.” “I can’t let this slip.”
Behaviours: perfectionism, control, hyper-independence, quick temper, defensiveness.
Example: You might find yourself working late into the night to “get it right” not because it’s urgent, but because stopping feels unsafe.

Flight

Physiology: restlessness, shallow breathing, muscle tension.
Thoughts: “I have to get away.” “If I keep moving, I’ll be okay.”
Behaviours: avoidance, overworking, busyness, overthinking.
Example: You keep scrolling, ticking tasks off your list or planning the next thing - anything to avoid sitting with discomfort.

Freeze

Physiology: body stiffens, mind goes blank, breath holds.
Thoughts: “I can’t do this.” “I feel stuck.”
Behaviours: procrastination, zoning out, dissociation, inability to make decisions.
Example: Faced with conflict, your words dry up and your body feels paralysed.

Fawn

Physiology: nervous system stays alert, but softens to appease.
Thoughts: “If I keep them happy, I’ll be safe.”
Behaviours: people-pleasing, difficulty saying no, over-giving, self-abandonment.
Example: You say “yes” to favours, invitations or work demands even when you’re exhausted,— because pleasing others feels safer than setting boundaries.

Flop (sometimes called “collapse” or “submit”)

Physiology: body shuts down, energy drains, low blood pressure, disconnection.
Thoughts: “What’s the point?” “I can’t do anything.”
Behaviours: giving up, passivity, feeling helpless, extreme fatigue.
Example: After too much stress, you crash on the sofa, numb out and can’t find the energy to move forward.

Hybrids: Why You May Recognise More Than One

Most of us don’t fit neatly into one defence. You might freeze in relationships but fight at work. Or you might fawn with your partner and flee into busyness when alone. These hybrid patterns are your nervous system’s best attempts at protection, shaped by your history, upbringing and past trauma.

How Animal Defences Show Up in Romantic Relationships

Our survival responses don’t just affect us, they shape the way we connect, communicate and resolve conflict in relationships. When two people have different dominant defences, misunderstandings can arise.

Here are a few common pairings:

Flight + Fawn

Dynamic: One partner avoids conflict by withdrawing or staying busy, while the other tries to smooth things over by appeasing and pleasing.
How it feels: The “flight” partner may feel suffocated by constant efforts to appease, while the “fawn” partner feels abandoned or unseen when the other pulls away.
Healing opportunity: Both partners learning to pause and voice their needs directly.

Fight + Freeze

Dynamic: One partner becomes controlling, defensive or quick to anger, while the other shuts down and goes quiet.
How it feels: The “fight” partner feels frustrated by the silence, while the “freeze” partner feels overwhelmed and unsafe in the face of intensity.
Healing opportunity: The fight response learns softer communication; the freeze response practices staying present and grounded.

Fawn + Fight

Dynamic: The people-pleaser bends to avoid conflict, while the fighter pushes harder for control or dominance.
How it feels: The “fawn” partner may lose touch with their own needs, while the “fight” partner feels temporarily satisfied but ultimately unsupported.
Healing opportunity: Boundaries become key - the fawn learns to say “no” with love, while the fighter learns to trust compromise.

Flop + Flight

Dynamic: The “flop” partner collapses into helplessness or fatigue, while the “flight” partner distracts themselves by staying constantly on the move.
How it feels: Both avoid true intimacy - one by disappearing inward, the other by staying outwardly busy.
Healing opportunity: Building moments of connection, where both can show up in small, safe doses.

The truth is, we all bring our nervous systems into our relationships. Seeing these patterns with compassion - in yourself and your partner can transform conflict into an opportunity for deeper connection.

Why It Matters

Understanding your defence patterns helps you to:

Recognise when you’re being driven by survival, not choice.
Build compassion for yourself (you’re not “broken” - you’re adaptive).
Identify which practices actually work for your nervous system (what helps a freeze response will differ from what soothes fight or fawn).

This is why therapy is so powerful. It creates a safe space to bring these automatic responses into awareness, regulate the nervous system and gently rewire patterns that no longer serve you.