The Hidden Parts Within Us: Why Parts Work Changes Lives

Have you ever found yourself reacting in ways that feel completely out of proportion? Saying yes when you mean no, shutting down emotionally, lashing out or feeling deep shame for things that happened long ago?

It might be confusing and you might think something is wrong with you.

But you might just be blended with a part.

In my work as a therapist specialising in trauma and inner child healing, few approaches have had such profound and lasting effects as Parts Work, such as Internal Family Systems (IFS). This therapeutic model, paired with inner child work, provides a compassionate, structured path to healing the fragmented parts of ourselves that carry pain, fear, shame and unmet needs.

What Is Parts Work?

At its core, Parts Work is based on the idea that we are not a single, unified self, but rather a collection of sub-personalities or "parts" - each with their own thoughts, feelings, needs and beliefs.

These parts develop throughout our lives, especially in response to situations that are overwhelming, traumatic or chronically unsafe.

For example:

• A six-year-old child who had to grow up fast may form a responsible part that overfunctions and never rests.

• A teenager humiliated at school may carry a shame-based part that hides from intimacy.

• A young child whose parents were unpredictable may develop an anxious protector that scans for danger and fears abandonment.

  
  

These parts aren't "bad". In fact, they are intelligent adaptations. They did what they could to help us survive, be accepted or stay emotionally safe. But as adults, we may find that these same parts cause internal conflict, anxiety, self-sabotage or even a deep disconnection from our true selves.

How Do Parts Form?

Parts usually emerge at significant developmental moments often when something feels too overwhelming or unsafe for the nervous system to process.

Instead of staying fully present in the pain, our system fragments to keep going. The part that experienced the event becomes stuck in time - frozen emotionally at the age or moment of the wound. Other parts often emerge to protect that vulnerability.

🔹 For example: A child who was frequently shamed by a parent may develop a critic part to ‘beat themselves up first’ before someone else can. This may be paired with a people-pleaser who tries to avoid criticism altogether.

Over time, we can lose touch with our authentic, calm, compassionate centre - what IFS calls the Core Self, because we’re constantly blending with parts reacting to the past.

You Don’t Need to Relive the Past to Heal

One of the most healing aspects of Parts Work is that it's not about re-traumatising ourselves by reliving painful memories. Instead, we gently interact with, soothe, validate and protect each part helping them feel safe, seen and supported.

Through this process, we build trust with these inner parts and begin to shift from chaos and inner conflict to a deep sense of inner harmony and wholeness.

This wholeness, for many of us, is unfamiliar. We've spent years or even decades, feeling that something is wrong with us!

But the truth is:

Nothing is wrong with you. Parts of you are still living in survival.

The Importance of the Subconscious

Often, we don’t even realise what drives our behaviour. Our parts operate below the surface, in the subconscious, driven by unresolved wounds and outdated beliefs.

We might feel intense shame or panic, without understanding why. But neuroscience confirms:

The brain doesn’t distinguish between real danger and remembered danger when we’re triggered.

This is why Parts Work is so transformative - it allows us to access those subconscious layers with compassion and curiosity.

How Trauma Hijacks Us

Janina Fisher, in her groundbreaking book Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, describes how trauma survivors often experience "blending" - when a part overwhelms the system and takes over our thinking, feelings and behaviour.

Real-life example:

A client may be having a calm conversation with their partner and suddenly feel attacked and abandoned over a small misunderstanding. Their five-year-old part (who felt unloved and invisible growing up) has been activated and hijacks the present moment.

Other parts then react - perhaps a protector steps in with anger or a critic joins in with harsh self-talk.

Common Conflicts Between Parts

It’s common to have internal battles such as:

• One part wants rest, another demands productivity.

• One part wants connection, another fears rejection.

• One part longs for expression, another says, “Don’t make a scene.”

  
  

These conflicts cause tension, exhaustion and emotional dysregulation especially when the parts don’t trust the Core Self is present and strong enough to lead.

Signs Your Parts Need Attention

✨ You feel chronically anxious, overwhelmed or numb

✨ You notice extreme mood swings or overreactions

✨ You’re self-critical or perfectionistic

✨ You avoid things you long for (like love, success or intimacy)

✨ You repeat patterns you consciously know are harmful

These are often signs that parts of you are carrying pain that’s been unmet for too long.

Why It’s So Powerful

Parts Work doesn’t just manage symptoms. It transforms your internal world.

Healing happens through two key relationships:

1. The relationship with your therapist - who serves as a secure base, modelling compassion and co-regulation

2. The relationship between your Core Self and your parts - where healing truly begins

   
   

Once parts begin to trust your Core Self - the calm, grounded, loving part of you - they can let go of extreme roles and pain. They no longer have to protect, hide or perform.

This creates space for clarity, confidence and true internal safety - the kind many of us have never known.

A Final Word

This work is not easy. But it is invaluable. It's not quick. But the transformation is lasting. It's not about fixing yourself. It’s about coming home to yourself.

If you feel fragmented, reactive or stuck in cycles that no longer serve you, please know:

You are not broken.

You are not alone.

There is a wise, compassionate, capable Self within you and all your parts want is to be seen, heard and held. Love and light,

Dorota

Psychotherapist and Hypnotherapist

Founder of Holistic Transformative Therapy

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